


Comes Back To Me In Burning Red

by squash1



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Angst, Flashbacks, M/M, but also kinda fluffy, but ultimately angst, non-pds au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-05
Updated: 2017-10-05
Packaged: 2019-01-09 11:48:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12275853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squash1/pseuds/squash1
Summary: Reflection is part of the healing process, at least that's what Kieren tells himself.





	Comes Back To Me In Burning Red

**Author's Note:**

> Whilst writing this, I had a non-pds au in mind. If you prefer, you can absolutely read it as canon compliant though. 
> 
> This is completely un-beta'd and might contain some horrid grammar errors. Sorry in advance.
> 
> The idea for this came to me whilst listening to "Red" and "All Too Well" by Taylor Swift. Give them a listen if you want, it might help establish the atmosphere of the story.

Now and again, a memory he has worked so vigorously to push into his subconscious resurfaces. These memories usually do not remain for long, dipping back into the dark waters after a short moment. Then, he tells himself, he is all right. Just a little slip-up. Nothing to be worried about.

-

But there they are again, at midnight in the kitchen of his childhood home. The open refrigerator is the only source of light in the room and casts a faint blue shadow onto Rick’s face. It is host to a boyish grin, something Kieren has seen less and less of over the past few months. He knows the situation in the Macy household is grim as ever but they do not speak a word of it. Instead, they are here, in the kitchen. Kieren is perched on the countertop, shoveling tablespoon-fuls of vanilla ice cream into his mouth. Next to him, Rick digs through the contents of the freezer compartment. “Aha!” he says, and pulls out a tub of mint-chocolate-chip flavoured goodness, “Now we’re talking.”

“I can’t believe you like that stuff,” Kieren says with a laugh, relieved that they don’t have to be quiet and whisper tonight. His parents are out of town, and his little sister is having a sleepover at Lisa Lancaster’s house.

“I’ll have you know that my taste is exquisite,” Rick answers, thick accent forsaken in favour of a posh tone, and sticks his nose high in the air.

“And how would you know what exquisite taste is, Mr Pineapple-on-Pizza-is-totally-acceptable-and-quite-frankly-delicious?”

The playfulness in his voice is a relic of gentler days, back when they would sneak off to their den in the forest after school and spend entire afternoons goofing around in the candlelight. Their bubble of teenage naivety was burst when Rick’s father had followed them to the secret hideout and forbid his son any after-school activities and demanded that he come home immediately after the last bell of the day rang. Now they relied on nights like this, when Rick was able to convince Dean Halton to cover for him the next time he sees Bill at the pub.

“I know,” Rick says as he pushes his rectangular spectacles further up the bridge of his nose, “because I like you.”

Rick can’t see it, but in the darkness Kieren’s cheeks flush a burning red.

“And someone who likes you as much as I do has to have good taste. It’s simple logic, Ren.”

With that, he sets the tub of ice cream on the counter next to Kieren and pushes the freezer closed.

“How would I understand, you know my logical-mathematical IQ is basically zero. I suck at maths.”

Suddenly, Rick is incredibly close. A cool grip on his knee startles Kieren and the other boy stifles a laugh. And then he is moving even closer. A bunch of firecrackers explode inside of Kieren and the warmth spreads through his body despite the cold air emitting from the fridge. And then they are kissing.

When they break apart, Rick says, “Mathematical genius or not, I like you either way.”

-

Kieren is not worried about these flashbacks, or so he tells himself. He has gone through a lot in the past, but now he is twenty-eight and not a teenage boy anymore. He is not haunted by the loss of his best friend, he refuses to let the gruesome death define his life any longer. Rick would have wanted him to move on. 

And yet, he feels guilty. He feels guilty when he lies in bed next to Simon at night and thinks of him, the golden boy, the boy who endured so much pain but only ever radiated love. He feels guilty when he imagines how life would have turned out were he still here. These are unspeakable thoughts and the guilt is crippling. It strikes him to the core when he looks at Simon from across the breakfast table, and when they are driving their rusty car to his father-in-law’s, and when they are on a day trip with Amy and their goddaughter. 

But Kieren is not worried. These are nothing more than foolhardy fantasies. He will learn to deal with the stomach-twisting guilt he feels when Simon asks him whether he is okay when he remains quiet during date nights. One day, he will order Hawaiian pizza. And maybe one day, he will be able to stomach ice cream again.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, Rick wears glasses. That is not debatable.
> 
> Simon and Kieren are married. Also, Amy has a daughter and they are her godfathers.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this! I might be uploading a little something about Jem and Amy soon, but I want to finish it before posting the first chapter, so it might take a little while longer.
> 
> That's it for now! Thanks so much for reading and take care x


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